It’s 2.30pm and I still haven’t washed my face or brushed my teeth today. Lazy, right? Instead, motivated by a desire to see how an old friend looks like now, I visited Friendster to check out his photos. At the same time, I also visited my ex Emirates colleagues friendster pages to take a look. Boy did I feel a twinge in my heart when I saw the photos of their exciting lives overseas.

Yes, I was the one who made the decision to pack up and leave Dubai, the city of dreams which I found was not all I thought it to be. No, I do not regret returning to Singapore. But I do miss flying. I miss the feeling of being independent and free, travelling by myself in foreign cities and taking to time to walk around every place I had a layover in. I miss being able to fly for free to other countres every few days. I miss the pharmacies in Australia, laid back Auckland, and the pretty old buildings in Germany. I believe if I tried again, I would be able to get into an airline that is based in Singapore.

But DH doesn’t want me to. And I can understand why. I, too, wouldn’t want to have my spouse leaving for work at odd hours of the day and being away from home for days in a row. And I’m not getting any younger. But I can’t help envying my friends who are still flying. Of course, they are all younger than I am and don’t plan to start a family anytime soon. I just feel like I’m leaving my freedom behind forever.

It’s a sacrifice I willingly make to have a happy family, but I wish I could have the chance to fly again, and the support from DH, before we have our 1st kid. But I know I won’t, and I have to really say goodbye to my flying days. At least, I’ve had the chance once, and I’m glad I took it.

Now it’s time for another stage of my life, the stage of preparing a new home, buying furniture and thinking of setting up a family. To be honest, I’ve wanted this far more and for much longer than I’ve wanted to fly. So why do I feel kind of sad?

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