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Well yeah, it seems like everytime I write I’m either sick or bored. The truth is, though it seems like I have nothing to do, I actually have many things that I want to do, like going out, meeting friends, making crafts, baking, watching tv, cooking, cleaning the house, finally making my study room curtains, uploading photos onto my blog…. but I’m really just too lazy to do most of them. It’s only when I’m bored out of my wits, or sick and stuck at home, that I actually log in and write.

My nose is acting up yet again. Bleah. It started with a pain in my sinuses, so I knew they were getting inflamed again. So off I go to the sinseh (I’ve been faithfully going to the Chinese physician and taking TCM for months) and the medicine makes me feel a bit better. So yesterday I went out to Raffles Place to pay the balance for my honeymoon trip. Then I passed by this shop selling unique clothes (I’m so sick og the same clothes they sell in every single shopping centre) and delightly went in to try on some clothes. BIG MISTAKE. The shop was dusty and I started sneezing and my nose just ran non-stop. And that was it. The whole of yesterday my nose went crazy. I must have killed a tree with all the tissue paper I used up blowing my nose and spitting out the mucus. Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!

The TCM didn’t help this time. I even took a Clarinase last night but it did nothing for me too. And I’m even developing a cough! As I speak, the pile of “wantons” next to me is growing. Only they aren’t stuffed with meat but with my mucus. (Yes, I’m disgusting.)

The only good thing that has come out of this is I discovered 2 interesting blogs today, by fellow Singaporeans: and Cool but they didn’t cure me.

Somebody help! I feel miserable…



So it’s a hot Wed afternoon, and it’s the school hols so I should be happy, but I’m not cos I’m having MS (Menstrual syndrome), crampy lower back and feeling depressed for no reason at all. People have PMS but I have both PMS and MS. What the heck?!?!

I’m sitting in my study feeling hot cos we have no fan in the study yet, and though we have an air-con there’s no use turning it on cos we haven’t installed a sliding glass door yet. (Right now the study has a totally open concept.)

I am debating with myself whether I should go to the IKEA-GIANT area in Tampines, Ikea to look for nice photoframes and deco items, Giant to buy food to cook for tonight’s dinner, but it’s so hot out there and I’m not sure if going out will make me feel better or staying at home feeling bored will make me feel better. Of course there’s always housework to do, 101 mirrors to put up (DH and I bought 24 small mirrors from Ikea to stick together to form a BIG mirrored area in our dining room, cos all the affordable big mirrors we’ve seen are nothing special, and the special mirrors all cost way too much… hello, $1,000+++ for a mirror?), masks to slather on my face, television to watch. Or maybe nothing I do can cheer me up now. 😦

Got news from the poly that they may not have any teaching hours for me next sem. Made me feel kinda angry and sad, like I’ve been used. Turns out the subject I’ve been teaching is only taught once a year (every other semester) so next sem it won’t be taught. I really don’t want to go back to working full-time in an office again so DH and I are thinking of bringing our baby-making plans forward instead. The thing is, I’m not sure I’m ready to be totally financially dependent on DH yet, but I’m really disillusioned with the HR scene in Singapore. Honestly speaking, the only job I would like to do now is go back to flying, but my age and my family plans are really against me in this aspect. Sigh. I really miss flying.

I know I’m really fortunate not to have to go to work everyday doing something I dislike, but sometimes it sucks too that I can’t go to work everyday doing something I like either. I know, I made the choice, I want to have a family, I want to have my 1st child before 30, but I also want to have my cake and eat it too. I miss visiting a different country every few days (for free!). Now we have to scrimp and save and plan just to go for a holiday. Well, I’m just whining and being discontent with my lot but it’s probably because of my MS… stupid hormones why do they act up every month? 😦

This is not about how old I am (still considered young by many at the age of 28), how to age gracefully, or what we think happens only to old people (how old is old, anyway?). This is about the aging of my own body as I see and feel it.

Lately I’ve been feeling really tired. Not lazy-tired, not lethargic, nor just sleepy. I’m talking about feeling so tired I have to drag myself out of the house. So tired I leave dishes in the sink unwashed for days (believe me, that’s not like me), clothes piling up in the laundry basket, floor unswept for weeks (again,. this is so not me). The most I’ve been able to cook is porridge plus one additional dish, and I usually enjoy cooking. All I want to do all day is to lie down.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been falling sick very often, which really zaps me of my energy. If it’s not one infection it’s another, or an allergy, or PMS. In between I barely have the strength to wake up every morning.

So what has this got to do with aging, you say? Well, I’ve never felt so tired before. All my life I’ve been prone to falling sick, but even after a bout of bronchitis, I was well enough to wake up in the wee hours of the morning, do 11-hour long flights from Dubai to Germany and back again. That was just 2 years ago. Now I drag myself to school for 2 hours of teaching and when I get home I’m exhausted. Sigh.

And I’ve developed an aversion to antibiotics recently. This from someone who has taken countless types of antibiotics countless times since her childhood days and always saw them as her friends. Now I feel nauseous whenever I take antibiotics.

I’m convinced that my body has begun the downwards spiral of aging which actually starts the minute one is born. It’s just that at a certain age, all sort of cells start dying faster than thebody can make new ones, and so the results of againg start to show. I think my body has just crossed the “magical” age.

P.S.: I’m no medical professional so the above theory is just my own. But of course, common sense denotes that all mortals age, sooner or later.

1) Why does it ALWAYS rain when you put your laundry out to dry?

2) Why do Singaporeans always rush to get into the train before alighting passengers can get off? Do they not know that a train can only take so many people, and if no one gets off, pretty soon no one will be able to get on too?

3) Why are there so many distractions when you’re supposed to do something else (check out this fabulous one: ikea hacker) and nothing interesting to do when there’s nothing else to do?

4) Why are public bus fares always increasing in Singapore when there is no improvement in the bus service?

5) Why are there always renovations going on in the neighbourhood when you just want to have a quiet afternoon at home?

6) Why do you always meet the people you want to impress when you’re having a bad hair day/ bad complexion day/ feeling awful day?

7) Why does HDB make flats with such small rooms and kitchens? We have not shrunk into midgets.

I never thought I’d be writing this. I’m seldom bored unless at work. But today, I just feel so tired and bored… Maybe it’s because I’ve been feeling so fatigued lately. Nothing helps, not chicken essence, not beef, not vitamins, not my fav food, not sleeping… I wonder if I’ve got CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).

I don’t feel like doing anything… it’s 5.30pm and I still have not washed my face, brushed my teeth or combed my hair yet. I just feel TIRED.


Picture from  by tofuburger. Additional words, author’s own.

After many torturous weekends of painting, I am glad to announce that my house painting is finally done! But not without its ill-effects. I suffered from sore, cramped hands for the past 2 days, and persistent backache for weeks! Right now, I have a salonpas plaster on my poor back to ease the pain.

It hurts when I sit, it hurts when I lie down, it hurts no matter which position I am in and it’s making me right GRUMPY! I hate this feeling of not being able to do anything.


It’s 2.30pm and I still haven’t washed my face or brushed my teeth today. Lazy, right? Instead, motivated by a desire to see how an old friend looks like now, I visited Friendster to check out his photos. At the same time, I also visited my ex Emirates colleagues friendster pages to take a look. Boy did I feel a twinge in my heart when I saw the photos of their exciting lives overseas.

Yes, I was the one who made the decision to pack up and leave Dubai, the city of dreams which I found was not all I thought it to be. No, I do not regret returning to Singapore. But I do miss flying. I miss the feeling of being independent and free, travelling by myself in foreign cities and taking to time to walk around every place I had a layover in. I miss being able to fly for free to other countres every few days. I miss the pharmacies in Australia, laid back Auckland, and the pretty old buildings in Germany. I believe if I tried again, I would be able to get into an airline that is based in Singapore.

But DH doesn’t want me to. And I can understand why. I, too, wouldn’t want to have my spouse leaving for work at odd hours of the day and being away from home for days in a row. And I’m not getting any younger. But I can’t help envying my friends who are still flying. Of course, they are all younger than I am and don’t plan to start a family anytime soon. I just feel like I’m leaving my freedom behind forever.

It’s a sacrifice I willingly make to have a happy family, but I wish I could have the chance to fly again, and the support from DH, before we have our 1st kid. But I know I won’t, and I have to really say goodbye to my flying days. At least, I’ve had the chance once, and I’m glad I took it.

Now it’s time for another stage of my life, the stage of preparing a new home, buying furniture and thinking of setting up a family. To be honest, I’ve wanted this far more and for much longer than I’ve wanted to fly. So why do I feel kind of sad?

I haven’t been able to sleep before 2 am these few days. I’m a night owl by nature, energetic at night and grumpy and tired in the morning. But I know sleeping late is bad for health (the hours between 10pm to 2am are supposed to be the most crucial hours for your body to repair itself during sleep), so I’ve been trying to sleep early ever since my uni days.

So what am I doing blogging so late? I decided to do something other than turning and tossing in my bed till 2am. In my JC days, I used to write letters to my secret pals in the middle of the night, almost every night. My creative juices flow best at night.

I miss watching the funny British comedies Art Central used to screen late at night, like ‘Allo ‘Allo, and Absolutely Fabulous. I would be the only one laughing to myself while the rest of my family were asleep. Why don’t they screen such shows anymore? Ah, and The Sketch Show, and another show about a female vicar in the countryside. Those were hilarious.

It’s stupid how I have lots and lots of thoughts going on in my mind while I’m lying on my bed trying to fall asleep but when I sit in front of the computer, I seem to have absolutely nothing to say…

Btw, my new header image is from the NASA website. It’s part of a picture taken of about 10,000 galaxies. I used to lie awake at night thinking about planet Earth, and our solar systems, and how it is just one of the gazillions of solar systems in our galaxy the milky way, and how again our galaxy is just one of the gazillions of galaxies in the universe. And maybe somewhere in the milky way, or in another galaxy, there might be planets just like ours having the same people livng on them (ie, us) but living different lives. Somehow this gives me a very queer feeling inside. When I was a kid I used to imagine myself in a parellel world whenever bad things happened. I’d imagine I’d walk through my home door and inside, everything would be the same except for the circumstances I was in. And now, late at night when I can’t sleep and have nothing better to do, I ponder over this idea. Imagine if God not just created this world, but many others scattered all over the universe, and there are many “us”es, and the worlds are all different as a result of the decisions people made over time. I imagine that when we go to heaven, we’d be able to travel faster than the speed of light and we would be able to zoom through the galaxies.

Another concept that I marvel at is that many of the stars we see no longer exist, yet we can see them now due to the great distance from the stars to us and with the speed of light. So the night sky we see today is barely “real” then!

Ah well enough of my ramblings… it is the magic hour of 2am and hopefully, I’ll be sound asleep soon, having gotten al these random thoughts out of my head. Nighty-night!

After 4 weekends of painting, my house is still not done, and I have a backache that keeps me awake at night. Just when I thought I could have a break of at least 5 weekdays before the next painting session, DH calls and tells me he has taken leave today, and he wants us to go do more painting today!!!! ahhhhhhhh! when can I have a break from this tiresome painting??? I need a break!

I’ve never going to paint the house myself after this.