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I’m going nuts! My life feels like such a mess… I like someone for no practical reasons, I have 3 ex-boyfriends, one of whom I miss very much despite it being 1 yr + since I broke up with him. I crave the familiarity, the feeling of KNOWING I belong… The security in knowing that I’m attractive to someone, that he will date me and ONLY me… In having someone to sleep with if I want to… not that I want to now, but knowing that someone wants to sleep with me cos he loves me, knowing that the same person plans to marry me… Knowing that he loves me and wants me & will take care of me. Knowing that I can sit back and fall asleep… Knowing that someone sees me as most beautiful despite seeing me in my most sorry state…

Drinking till I puke and having someone to drag me home… having someone to call when I feel sick and miserable the next day, knowing that he’ll comfort me and not laugh at me… God! At the ripe old age of 25 I still don’t know what I want in life. Sometimes I just wish I’d sleep and never wake up… Sometimes it hurts so much I don’t know what’s wrong… Sometimes it seems I’ll never get well again. Sometimes it seems that no matter what I have, what I do, I won’t be happy. Sometimes the depths of my soul are so dark I can’t see for myself what’s inside. I can’t put my finger on what is wrong, it seems everything is wrong though it all seems normal on the outside. No other human knows… I’m thankful for what I have but I still feel so empty. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong???